I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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