I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I can't turn off my feet"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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