i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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