honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize