Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
