he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
