he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
