We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
