I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
being pregnant is like rehab
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
