My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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