I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
