you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
