And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
