Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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