You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
