margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
