You just made me feel so damn special
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
