Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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