I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
