I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
