What did we do last night that was yellow?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
