I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
