Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
