dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
