When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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