I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
