I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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