No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
