btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
