i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
