It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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