Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize