I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
