You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
