my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
wow bdsm is so cute
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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