Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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