Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
