Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
