that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
our cab driver is having phone sex.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
