im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
