you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Enjoy the penises
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
