she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize