My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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