also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
