it was like his penis was on wheels.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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