Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
