hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize