he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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