even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
