Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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