youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We are all done wearing pants today
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
