508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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