I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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