Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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