someone get that fucking seahorse.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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