I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
