Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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