i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
