He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
