I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
