I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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