In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
