Well douche your snatch and let's go!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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