I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
