That's intense
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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