We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
