so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
