hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
