I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
