Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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