For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
