I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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