I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
